So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
