I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
