thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
