i think my tv is drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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