oh god the rape fog is back!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
