Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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