Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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