it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
