eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
