No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
