so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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