You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
