i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
