We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
