Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
