Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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