On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My feet surprised me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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