New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if only i could text you this smell
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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