Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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