I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
