I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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