The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
