Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
