took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
