i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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