Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
