i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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