Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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