Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
