Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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