Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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