I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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