Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
3 2 1 whiskey
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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