i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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