Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
