does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think i have two assholes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
