The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
