My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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