Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
