I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
