This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
