i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
