My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
