Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
