can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
