I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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