the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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