so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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