So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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