I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
