you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
