Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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