i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
