Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
