You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
