i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
