I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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