When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
